It was the most beautiful dress that Kaitlyn had ever seen before. She looked down at her feet as she twirled around on the sand and watched her dress flow out and then back in with each twirl she made. The dress was the softest pink color that it almost looked white. The lower part of the dress was made of layers and layers of netting that had sparkly beads sewn into it randomly, but each bead was perfectly placed and they sparkled like diamonds beneath the sunlight. Kaitlyn pretended that the beads were actually diamonds, and imagining that made Kaitlyn feel even more beautiful. The dress reminded her of a play costume she got to wear in a school play when she was in kindergarten. She played the part of the princess and had worn a blue dress that in a lot of ways was like the pink one she was wearing now. Kaitlyn had twirled around in front of her mom and said, “Mommy, look at my princess dress! I have a real princess dress!” Kaitlyn’s mom had laughed and told Kaitlyn that yes she was a princess, the prettiest princess she had ever seen.
Now, years later, Kaitlyn was sixteen and life was a lot different.
She didn’t always feel like a princess- that was for sure.
Kaitlyn continued on her way down the beach and let her mind wander as she walked.
It had been a tough year for her.
Kaitlyn’s parents had decided to move their family from
Texas to
California when Kaitlyn’s dad was offered a new job.
Kaitlyn and her older sister Amanda did not want to move, but the family meetings always ended with their parents saying,
“We are moving. You will like it once we get there, we promise.”
Now, they had been living in
California for almost ten months and Kaitlyn still didn’t like it here.
The move had created a barrier between Kaitlyn and her dad, especially once Amanda moved out to start college.
It was his fault they had moved in the first place.
She was just so angry at him.
Kaitlyn continued walking down the beach as the waves crashed swiftly onto the shore and then the water slowly moved out across the sand over Kaitlyn’s bare toes.
The water was warm, but Kaitlyn felt cold and empty on the inside as she thought more on what the past year had brought.
Aaron.
He was the first friend that Kaitlyn had made at school.
He went to the same church that Kaitlyn’s family started attending shortly after they moved to
California.
He was her older sister Amanda’s age.
Kaitlyn looked up to him and thought he was unlike any guy she had ever met.
He really seemed to love God and he didn’t worry about fitting in like most of the guys she knew. They spent a lot of time together and they became the best of friends.
Aaron always teased her for the time she tried doing her own highlights in her hair and they came out orange.
That had happened when Kaitlyn first met Aaron, and from the first time he teased her they both knew they would be close.
It was the beginning of what she thought would be a great friendship.
Then, there was that hot summer night when it all fell apart.
It was the night that Kaitlyn lost her only friend.
Kaitlyn tried not to think on that memory now as she walked along the beach. It hurt too much to even think about. The memory forced itself in though, and Kaitlyn began to cry. The sky began to darken like a gray blanket was being pulled over the blue. Kaitlyn, against her will, remembered everything that had happened that hot summer night.
Aaron had come over to her house to watch a movie like they did most Saturday evenings. Kaitlyn’s parents had taken the two hour drive to visit Amanda at college. They had called and said they were running late and asked Kaitlyn to put the lasagna in the oven and start dinner. As Kaitlyn and Aaron were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, it was Aaron’s turn to pick the movie this time. As he got up to put the DVD in, Aaron suddenly moved close to Kaitlyn as she reclined on the couch and started to kiss her. Kaitlyn didn’t know how to react. She told him to stop, but he didn’t. Aaron was stronger than Kaitlyn though and he did things she begged him not to. She said no, but he didn’t listen. Kaitlyn screamed for him to leave her alone. She was helpless. Aaron left in a hurry when he thought he heard Kaitlyn’s parents pull into the driveway, but it was only the next door neighbor. Kaitlyn ran up to her bedroom and locked her door. She sat in the corner of her bathroom and hugged her knees to her chest as she sobbed. She felt so dirty. Kaitlyn tuned on the shower as hot as she could stand for the water to be and she stood there for what felt like forever. Maybe the water would clean her from the inside out. Maybe it would wash away what had just happened. Kaitlyn told her parents nothing, only that she was sorry that the lasagna had burnt and that Aaron hadn’t been able to come over for movie night.
The rain started to pour onto Kaitlyn hard now and she slipped and fell on to the sand crying.
She sat there for a moment and let the tears fall.
She cried over missing her friends and family back in
Texas.
She cried over her sister Amanda living so far away now.
She cried over what Aaron had done to her.
She cried over the dirtiness and the ugliness that she felt on the inside and on the outside.
She cried because not even a stupid pink dress could make her feel pretty.
She cried even harder because she realized that the dress was ruined now, just like her. Kaitlyn’s tears were falling as hard and as fast as the rain was into the ocean.
Just then, Kaitlyn looked up and thought she saw a ledge of rock to find shelter under just ahead. Kaitlyn stood and ran as fast as she could through the rain.
Maybe if she ran hard and fast enough she could forget everything that had happened.
Maybe she could really run from her problems.
When she got to the rock ledge, she realized that there was a cave with a light shining on the inside.
She panicked and turned away to run back down the beach.
“Wait!” a voice said.
She turned around and there was a man holding a lantern.
“The storm is going to get worse. You should come in and dry off before you get sick.”
The man stood there and although she didn’t know him, Kaitlyn felt safe with him. There was something about his eyes. Kaitlyn walked just inside the cave where she could still see the storm as it passed over.
“Thanks.” Kaitlyn said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
She looked down and noticed that all of the beadwork on her dress was gone. The beads had fallen off and the dress was no longer a lovely soft pink color, but was now gray and black from the damage of the dirt and sand. The bottom of the dress was no longer full, but was torn in places and Kaitlyn was sure it wouldn’t twirl like a “princess dress” if she tried. Kaitlyn cried harder and gave no thought to the man that was standing next to her. She didn’t care who she cried in front of.
“Kaitlyn, it’s going to be ok.”, the man said.
Kaitlyn panicked. “How do you know my name?” she said as she looked at the man.
When she looked at the man, she noticed that in his hands he was holding the beads and the torn parts of her dress.
“Where did you get those?” Kaitlyn asked.
She wanted to run out of the cave, but for some reason she didn’t.
“I hold your brokenness.” the man said. “I was there when everything happened.”
Kaitlyn knew who he was in that moment.
“So, you just allowed all that to happen? You didn’t do anything to help me!”
Kaitlyn screamed a cry that came from the most painful place in her.
“You didn’t do anything to help me!”
Jesus stood there and looked at her in a way she hadn’t seen anyone look at her before. It was so…caring. She noticed that in his caring eyes, he had tears just like she did.
“Kaitlyn, I hold your brokenness. I hurt when you hurt.”
Kaitlyn noticed the scars on his hands and feet and realized he knew about pain in every way.
“Where were you? When everything happened, where were you?” Kaitlyn asked; her voice was hoarse.
Jesus answered her, “I was in the tears falling from your eyes. I was as close to you as the water that fell on you in the shower. I was in your broken heart.”
Kaitlyn had never thought of that before. She had been convinced that Jesus himself had left her to suffer and to work through it all by herself.
“I’m so dirty. I am so ugly. He took from me something that I didn’t want him to have.”
Jesus’ tears fell down his cheek, leaving a clean streak through the dirt on his face.
“Kaitlyn, you are pure. You are beautiful. You are not defined by what happened to you.”
Kaitlyn cried and looked again at the beads and torn pieces of fabric that Jesus held in his hands.
“I want to heal you.” Jesus whispered.
At that moment, Kaitlyn recognized something in her heart that she hadn’t experienced in a long time, happiness. She looked down and no longer saw a torn and tattered dress. The dress wasn’t the original soft pink that it had been on the beach. No, this dress was even more beautiful! The beadwork was immaculate and the dress was a design unlike any she had ever seen before.
Kaitlyn closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them again she was in a dark room. She moved onto her side and saw her alarm clock numbers blinking bright and red. It had been a dream. As Kaitlyn rubbed her eyes and tried to focus again on the blinking numbers of the alarm clock, the beach, and her dream slowly faded away and as her room gradually became reality again. But Kaitlyn felt something from the dream that didn’t fade away. She felt…happiness.
True beauty. Purity. Joy.
The happiness was deep in her heart. The beauty and the purity she felt were from the inside out. This joy, she was sure, had the most beautiful beadwork and would flow so beautifully when she twirled around. Just like a princess dress.
