Different Angles

There are questions that we are all afraid to ask. 

Since being ill, I have had plenty of time to think. There have been many hours and days that I have spent at home alone in bed or on the couch.  I have watched more chick flicks than I thought was possible, taken enough naps to make up for any one's lack of sleep, and paid Verizon a few hefty payments from talking on the phone just to have company.  Now that I am finally coming out on the other end of the illness and there are promising treatments for me, I realize that the most precious moments I have had in being ill (even if that sounds crazy) have been the moments that I have had time to think. In those moments of thoughtfulness, I have discovered a lot about myself. There have been moments that I have really had to ask myself a lot of hard questions and have had to choose my personal answer to those questions.  Some of those questions, I feel I share with all of humanity.

Am I OK with pursuing my dreams with absolutely everything in me, even at the risk of total failure?

Who or what do I hold most dearly in my life? Am I content with my answer?

Do I show those I love that they are loved by me unconditionally?  How far does unconditional love extend?

What am I doing to make a difference? At the end of the day, have I lived for me or sacrificially helped someone else?

Do I honestly realize how short life is? If I did, wouldn't I be living my life differently?

Do I love others with a pure motive or do I "love" with a selfish motive?

Am I blind concerning the things going on in the community, state, country, and world around me?

Do I live in past pain and regrets or do I choose to move forward and turn a new page?


Asking myself these questions does not make me a better person.  In fact, if I ask these questions of myself and do not do anything to change the areas in which I am lacking then it puts me two steps behind. 

I have experienced a lot of frustration in being ill. It has been difficult and it wasn't what Matt or I had in mind for our first year of marriage, but it has been a blessing in disguise.  Being sick has brought Matt and I closer together and strengthened our communication and love for one another. It has caused me to question a lot of areas in my life, many of them I am still answering. I began to write again.  Writing is my passion and even though I am not currently working on the next New York Times Best-Seller, I am loving putting pen to paper once again.

These past three years of not being well haven't been the best experience of my life. I haven't been eating bonbons on the couch (although, after recently talking with a friend I have realized that I have NEVER had a bonbon before!). It's time for trying new things! Bon, in French actually means "good", so I say, "Pass the box of bonbons!"

I am learning to see life from different angles. I'm finding comfort in being challenged.