Godless Days

If He had been there then I would have known. 

There's a certain feeling I get when He is around. It's a security that reaches beyond a seat belt, guardrail, or parachute.  It has nothing to do with the external and everything to do with what's going on in my very heart and soul. I felt nothing.

If He had been there then she would have known.

There's a certain way that her tears form in the corner of her eyes that flow down her cheeks and land softly on her collar bone and disappear as they soak into her skin.  It has nothing to do with her tears and everything to do with Him catching them.  He didn't.

If He had been there then the child wouldn't hurt.

There's that little prayer he prayed on his knees next to his bed.  He prayed that he wouldn't dream of the monster again and that maybe his mommy would come back home.  It has nothing to do with being a kid and everything to do with being heart broken.  His mommy never came back.

If He had been there then-

she wouldn't have been raped
he wouldn't have lost his job
kids would have parents
infertile parents would have kids
students wouldn't be shot
bankruptcy wouldn't exist
people would be fed
abusers would be stopped
natural disasters wouldn't reek havoc
the world wouldn't be so broken

If He had been there.
If only He had been there.
If only.

These are the Godless days.

The days when tragedy invades our normal every day lives.
The moments when we are sure our lungs have stopped breathing and our heart has stopped feeling.
The times that we are certain our lives won't go on.

In the Godless days, there He is- God himself.
Despite not feeling Him.
Not understanding  Him.
Hating Him.


Alone
Despised
Scared

He did not cause our pain.
No, He met us in the middle of it.
With or without us knowing