Eyes Wide Shut

My eyes are blue.
My sight is in tact.
My heart is full of equal parts dreams and fears.

I recently heard a motivational speaker talk about overcoming fears we have and allowing ourselves to be confident women.  The talk would have been easily categorized by me under the file "Heard This A Million Times" had it not been for one small detail.  The woman was blind.

How could a woman with no eyesight be so sure of who she is? 
How could she wake up every  morning and know without a doubt she was living a full life?
Was she ever scared?
Did she sacrifice her dreams and build new ones around her disability?

The question that haunted me, though, was this:

What am I so afraid of?

This blind woman stood and spoke with such confidence and humility at the same time. This woman was 100% confident in who she is. She didn't find comfort in her abilities.  She didn't find confidence in her appearance.  She was not haunted by something as meaningless as a mirrored reflection.  She shared her confidence, but also her struggles. 

She spoke on how thoughts can make or break us.

Women know the pain of verbal abuse, dark thoughts, and meaningless competitiveness....that all comes from ourselves. I wondered where she earned her confidence. I thought to myself that if she had a mirror to look into she would certainly be confident. She was so beautiful! People pay thousands of dollars for a smile like hers! As women, we rely on the mirror daily to approve of us.  This woman didn't have that.  So, how did she leave her home every morning feeling like she was beautiful and ready for the day?

I want what she has.
I can have what she has.
You can have what she has.

Confidence isn't grounded in something as shallow as a mirror reflection. It isn't found in having it all together.

Maybe confidence comes when we try to not be so damn perfect and accept our handicaps, our faults, our insecurities and help other women along the way.

My physical sight is in tact, but I want to live with my eyes wide shut and see myself for who I am rather than who I think I should be.