Let Go And Let God?

   I will be going to my fourth doctor's appointment in two weeks today.  I am filled with the same feelings that come with each appointment: anxiety, worry, and hope.  There is an internal struggle in me to trust God, but also to not get my hopes up.  I'm sure that the Christian cliche' saying "Let go and let God" hasn't gone unheard by many of you.  I struggle with the popular saying because it's thrown around in the Christian community carelessly and without much thought.  Let go and let God?  Some days I'd rather people just speak from the heart instead of throwing rehearsed sayings at each other.  It lacks depth and sincerity. 

  I have realized, too, that I have become a tough woman and that I often relapse into my own strength without including God in on the equation.  I wish that I were tough like the ladies on 'Steel Magnolias' and that even something as tragic as the death of loved one could be handled with class and strength for at least a little while.  I'm strong in another way- a stubborn way.  I do what I can and then ask God to help with the rest. In the Christian community  there are cliche' sayings that are meant to bring comfort; but in the end seem hollow.  I am a Christian and I love God without a doubt.  I just can't be content with the norm of Christian circles because sometimes it lacks authenticity.  "Let go and let God?"- I'm not so sure that God wants that for us.  Of course we should trust him and love him enough to allow him to guide us, but that saying seems to make God out to be a control freak.  I believe that God helps us in our journey.  God is something that most Christians are not : hands on.  Maybe he doesn't demand that we give up our free will only to let him come in and take over.  Maybe his love for us is demonstrated more when we invite him in to the situation, heartache, confusion; and allow him to be present.

   I was thinking of the nervousness that I have about my appointment and the hope that is hinging on it.  "Let go and let God." came to my mind and I wrestled with it because I don't think that is God's heart for me right now.  I believe that God does want me to surrender control of my health, but I also feel that I still have a lot of responsibility.  It is still my responsibility to care for myself, take the right steps to advocate for my health, and to trust God.  I just don't believe that telling someone to "Let go and let God" covers the bases of their pain nor does it reveal a compassionate listener.  Why do we say the things that we say as Christians?  I believe a lot of it has to do with being taught what to say and hearing Christian lingo that is meant to convey our spirituality.

  I hope that as a Christian I can establish a personal relationship with God and not one full of jargon, "to do lists", and empty spirituality.  God wants the same for all of us.  Today's appointment is in God's hands, but he is present with me- we are a team.