The Time My Mother-In-Law Made Me Cry

   It's not what you think. She didn't insult me or punch me in the face.  She wasn't rude or sarcastic like Marie on 'Everybody Loves Raymond'.  We didn't go back and forth with pranks and harsh stares like on 'Monster-In-Law'. She doesn't laugh sadistically like Jane Fonda and I don't look like Jennifer Lopez.

   This morning, I called my mother-in-law to check in on her (and to apologize for upsetting her yesterday, there...I admit it, I'm mean!).  The conversation went in a totally different direction and it couldn't have turned out any better than it did.  God really used her to show me things in my life that have gone ignored.  I know that I did one blog entry already today and this one pretty much picks up where the other one left off.  My mother-in-law share with me how that she wants to know what is going on in my life, but that I seem to push family away; she is right.  I sit around and feel sorry for myself wondering why no one is there for me when all along people are calling to check on me and sending me their love. 

  Ugh! Why do I do this?  Well, she helped me to discover the answer to that, too. The fact is that I feel like I am a burden to the people that love me most.  That is a lie that I have believed for a long time, now.  I mentioned some of this in my last post, but everything was confirmed in my conversation with Ma. I have felt that people are too busy, too worried, or too confused by my situation to care.  It isn't that way at all.  I have a nasty habit of pushing love away. Surely I'm not the only one, though...right?  We all push love and blessing away at some point in our lives.  I can express love all day and be a support and encouragement to those that I love, but accepting the same in return is something all together different.  I believe that it stems from two deep-rooted issues:

1) Pride- feeling that I am self-sufficient I don't need them because I can do this myself.

2)Feeling unworthy- feeling that I don't deserve love and support. They shouldn't have to hear about my issues when they have so many things going on.

 So, it all becomes a tangled up mess of nastiness and in the end I haven't been helped at all because no one ever knew that I needed it.  So, Ma, thank you for making me cry with the realization that I am adored and that nothing-and I mean nothing-can take the support of family from me.

I cannot do it alone. (None of us can)
I am loved. (All of us are)
I need help from my family. (All of us do)