She gently kissed her daughter on the forehead and softly said, “Good night Nikki, I love you. Good night Jesus, I love you.” She pulled two quilts over her daughter and tucked them in around her tightly. Nikki looked up at her mother and said, “Good night mama, I love you. Good night Jesus, I love you.” Victoria smiled as she turned Nikki’s bedroom light off and walked into the living room. The cold December air made its way inside through the many cracks in the house’s foundation. Victoria wrapped herself tightly in her bathrobe and put on her thick worn socks. The only kerosene heater was in Nikki’s bedroom and Victoria wouldn’t have it any other way. The winter breeze picked up outside and Victoria hugged herself as she shivered. A blast of cold air pushed from underneath the front door. Victoria stood and pushed the wadded up quilt tighter into the crack between the floor and the base of the door.
Winter hadn’t been easy for Victoria and her four-year-old daughter. As a matter of fact, autumn, summer, and spring weren’t easy either. Victoria sat and wondered why winter seemed to be the hardest and how she was finally beginning to break under the pressure of being a single mom. Although Victoria was often so strong for Nikki, she realized that she couldn’t hold everything in forever. One by one the tears began to fall down her cold face, offering a bit of warmth and comfort to her cheeks. She was only twenty-one-years-old. Most women her age were graduating college and getting a fresh new life. Victoria thought of her teenage pregnancy and how in the moment the pregnancy test showed positive she was handed a different life. She never regretted having Nikki, she just wondered what life could have been like if she would have waited to have a child.
Victoria wiped the tears from her eyes and breathed in heavily and let the warm air out slowly, watching how it formed a cloud when it hit the cold air. Being a single mom was the most difficult thing Victoria had ever done. She was still learning to take care of herself as she was learning to take care of Nikki. Her toes were still cold inside of her socks so she tucked her feet in between the couch cushions to warm them. Victoria had recently become a Christian. She was still in the process of figuring out what all of it meant. All she knew was that her heart changed upon making that decision even if the circumstances of her life hadn’t. Nikki’s father had left when Victoria became a Christian. In the weeks following her choice, it seemed like things had gotten more difficult instead of easier.
Winter nights like these reminded her that she and Nikki were poor. The small house was as unsteady as Victoria’s life, creaking and sometimes shaking beneath the storms. Victoria was reminded that there wasn’t enough heat to keep both of them warm. She got up and walked to the refrigerator opening it only to find a pack of hotdogs and a couple slices of cheese which would be Nikki’s breakfast in the morning. The coldness on her feet sent shivers through her body and she walked back to the living room to sit down. She looked around and saw the crafts that she had made from old quilts in hopes to sell them to an Antique store in town. She had always appreciated art and would have gone to college to become an art teacher if Nikki hadn’t come along. It was during her senior year, when her class mates were deciding which college they wanted to apply for that Victoria was choosing an OB-GYN and a paint color for the nursery.
The crafts were simple to make and she hoped that they would create an income. A friend of Victoria’s had given her the supplies needed to make the crafts. She was able to make them with no cost. She had crafted angels from the quilts. Each angel had a dress crafted from the quilt as well as beautiful wings with small buttons sewn in sporadically. Their heads were covered with Spanish moss for hair and small lace doilies lined the collar of the quilt dresses. Vikki looked at the angels and wondered not only if they were going to make her any money, but if angels in general were real. Had God given her this life without any help at all? Victoria heard Nikki call for her, “Mama! I’m still cold!” Victoria stood and walked into Nikki’s room and got into bed with her. The wind blew with a vengeance outside.
“Mama, why is it still cold?” Nikki asked.
Victoria took Nikki’s small body in her arms and held her tightly as a tear fell down her cheek.
“It’s cold because it has to be cold for Santa to come this year. Santa can’t come to Tennessee if it’s warm.” Victoria said.
“Oh, ok. Well, maybe he will come here tonight because it’s really cold!” Nikki said as she nuzzled into Victoria’s neck.
Victoria hugged Nikki tighter and prayed a small prayer in her mind.
God, I’m new to this. I don’t really know what to say or know what to ask for. All I know is that I need your help. I can’t do this on my own. God, send me angels to take care of us. Help me to be the best mom that I can be. Nikki is four, but I’m still learning how to be a mom. I’m so tired. I need your help. Keep us safe and warm tonight.
Victoria woke up the next morning and nothing externally had changed. The room was still frigidly cold and the kerosene had run out in the heater during the night. Victoria moved Nikki quietly without waking her. Nikki sighed softly and hugged onto the teddy bear at her side. Victoria walked into the kitchen and started cooking the hotdogs for breakfast. She didn’t know where the next meal or more kerosene for the heater would come from, but there was peace in her heart. She walked by one of the angels she had made and knew that one of God’s own was with her and Nikki.
Victoria’s crafting idea really paid off. She was able to sell her first angels to the antique shop in town. Victoria was then invited by the owner to take place in the town craft show. Opportunities later arose for Victoria’s crafts to be sold in other antique stores both locally and out of state. Through making the crafts, Victoria was able to pay monthly bills on time and just as importantly make friends that would provide a strong support network to her and Nikki. If and when bills couldn’t be paid God always provided through someone at church. At the end of the day, Victoria was still a single mom, but her hope was rooted in something bigger than herself and her abilities.
Victoria eventually married again and had four more beautiful children. Victoria continues to make her crafts and participates annually in craft shows. Her business has grown a lot and her products have expanded. But you can still find her angels with their quilt dresses and wings. They haven’t changed since the first one that she made and neither has the verse that she displays on the back of their wings. In delicate feminine handwriting is written: Philippians 4:13.
“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
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