Somewhere West of Sorrow

        I've undertaken a large writing project that I hope will end up in your hands or on your Kindle one day.  I'm in the beginning stages of writing a book.  Of course only time and God will tell if it will ever be published, but it's serving as therapy to me in the process.  It's amazing how putting pen to paper can unveil a mass of emotions that have been brewing for a while.  I think that the beauty in writing is being able to express those feelings in a raw way. It goes beyond having a creative outlet or simply communicating with people. 

        The piece I am currently working on surrounds my father's death in 2009.  It has been a couple of years now, and as time has gone by I have been able to deal with the immediate sorrow and sadness that his death brought to me.  The grieving stages don't come in chronological order like something you can go through and check off one by one.  Grieving comes in swift and strong waves. Just as you are working on the sorrow of it all anger sweeps over you like a cold winter wind.  When you feel that you have dealt with the anger the sense of denial fools your mind once again into thinking everything is ok.  Like a raging storm, grief has the power to tear you apart or motivate you to seek temporary shelter. We create make-shift shelters to weather the storm.  We build careers, seek love, keep busy, and anything that can distract us from what's going on outside. If we seek shelter in every storm, though, how can we move through the storm? Sure, the storm may pass but another one comes to replace it. We all choose our time of going outside and letting the rain fall on us-dealing with things.

          There is a quote that I've always liked because it paints the perfect picture of what our hardships can do to us if we don't find a way to deal with them.

"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."--Anais Nin

          Two years since my father's death I still have a lot of questions and things that I wish I would have said but didn't get the chance to say.  Our relationship was complicated and with that came awkward moments, pain, and disappointment but the fact is that it was still a relationship.  I have needed to take a walk in the rain and really experience the emotions that have come with losing him.  For some reason our society tells us that getting over something is the same as getting through it.  That's not true at all.  Getting through something requires a lot of effort-you have to get dirty and pick things apart.  Getting over something only requires one thing and that is building a make-shift shelter and denying that it's raining at all. 

          Writing is my way of dealing with the crap that life throws at me.  I'm not some perfectly emotionally stable person that gets everything out on paper.  I usually have to get overwhelmed and take a lot on myself before I finally admit that I need to deal with things.  I want you to think of something that is unique to you- something that will help you to work through things and not just get over them.  It's raining outside, the waves are crashing on the rocks and the water is rising- do something for yourself.